(oringinally posted Feb 13-14, 2009)

The first seven weeks of the year 2009 alone have been a very difficult and depressing time for me.
As the final hours of my 23rd year come to a close, I reflect on all that I have experienced in the few early weeks out of this year that I have remained 23.

First of all, the year of 2009 started off fairly pleasant(comparitively speaking), espescially to previous years) for the first two and one half weeks, and then during the early morning of January 19th my Grandmother(on my Mother's side) became severely ill rather abruptly and died unexpectedly less than a few hours later at a local hospital. This is this first time in my life I've had to confront death on a personal level, of an immediate family member and someone I would consider close to me.

What has been espescially difficult about this ordeal for me, is that after promising to spend more time with her during weekends or at the very least planning to take some personal time staying her house during the week of my next birthday, I'll never get another chance to fulfill those moments and promises. In addition to that, I never got see or speak to her one last time because her deteriorating condition occoured so quickly.

To make things worse, I didn't feel up to the challenge of seeing her body at the cremeation services, I wanted to attend but at the same time I simply couldn't because my Father was driving my Mom and anybody else that was willing to see, and because there is ongoing antagonism between me and him I just didn't want him to be around me at the time.

Because of this frivilous decision I know I will never see her again.

I will always be remembering the very last time seeing her being when she left my parents house walking out the front door around mid-day on either Tuesday Wednesday or Thursday from earlier in the week after talking with my Mom, she was dealing with some personal financial affairs and helping her get her new DTV reciever set up.

I am aware that millions of people experience this kind of grief every day, and I have no right to be distressed or complain after the amount of time that has already passed, espescially knowing what my Mom is now going through to try to obtain legal ownership of the modest little house that my Grandmother left us, that my Mom spent most of her childhood and early adult years in, and that we're now looking at as a potential place for me to live, other than an apartement where I can keep all of my own material properties, not have to be concerned with rent and not have to deal with a roomate.

However my uncle(Mom's older brother), the banks and a vague revisionarily unfinshed will has made this task more difficult than it ever needed to be.
Reguardless of what happens I'm still hoping my Mother ends up with the house if nothing else, If not for me then at least for either of brothers to live in when they're older.

Finally, on top of all the events that has transpired in my family life in the last 4 weeks, I was also further depressed by having excessive to the point of insanity, media coverage of the inauguration and transition of governmental power smeared in my face the following day (something I WAS NOT in the mood to hear about at the time!) including learning that the Pittsburgh Stealers were going to another SuperBowl, and that The Dark Knight would NOT BE NOMINATED FOR BEST PICTURE.

As shallow in contrast to primary context of this journal entry may be, the need to vent about those insignificant subjects in the predeeding paragraph seemed nececssary, because those all these things came to pass within the same week.

Toward anybody that may actually be reading this, I hope my pointless emotiional venting didn't bum you out too much. If not you might as well know that I'll be turning 24 in just a few hours with a birthday on Valentines Day, and as result I'm trying to make myself happy for a change by making some meager attempts at a social life. So I'll at least try keep on the positive side until the end of the weekend.

And Finally ...Happy Valentine Birthday shout outs to Michelle Racoon/Fiver316/TyShazza
....and anyone else celebrating a birthday on Valentines Day!

Otherwise Happy Valentines Day to Everyone else